Monday, 11 February 2013

Back Again...

First blog post for a loooonnnnnng time!

I had intended to maintain this blog on at least a monthly basis: putting up pictures of my new miniatures; short stories; background information for my miniatures; general musings on wargaming in general.

Unfortunately I let that slip, largely as a result of suffering from Depression (with a capital 'D', as in clinically depressed and not just feeling a little bit under the weather).  I have had a history of Depression for a while and it can be an uphill struggle sometimes.  I have been following the path of least resistance and just doing things that other people want instead of being a little bit selfish and demanding to do things that might make me feel happier.

Much of my recent issue can be traced back to problems with our internet provider; we had a running battle over a period of roughly five months for them to fix (or at least improve our service) - that's not to say that was the only cause as there were other factors involved, but this was a significant proportion of the problem.  This left me (most days at least) feeling extremely angry.  That anger dissipated over time and l was left with the empty feeling of melancholy.

During the last six months or so, I have found it extremely difficult to maintain my focus on sculpting and wargaming in general.  I dislike much of what I produced in this time as I don't feel they matched up to the images I can see in my head - there was a kind of disconnect between my imagination and my hands that I couldn't resolve.  In short I was not doing well.  It was at this time that I decided not to bother looking at modelling forums anymore either; it just wasn't/isn't worth the anger and heartache of having your work (or other people's) trashed for being different, whilst the nth Space Marine conversion (often poorly executed) is drooled over by gushing 'fanboi's.

I think in part the problem lay in that I had stopped producing miniatures 'for me'  and was then into the realms of sculpting things that I thought other people would like.  I am now getting over this (a small amount at least) by starting to make bits for me that are unlikely to ever be cast up.

I appreciate the support I have had from various quarters and I am looking to repay that support by going onwards and upwards to create more and better sculpts in the future.  I would be grateful for any/all advice or strategies anyone has for dealing with Depression whilst being a creative person.

I was a away for a while, now I'm back

Thanks for reading